Innocent Frivolity

Thu, 16 Aug 2007 20:12:36 GMT

One of the joys of belonging to the Red Hat Society is that is it possible to be innocently frivolous. There are those who would say that every moment not spent with my thoughts on God is a moment in which I have fallen into sin. Well, I admit it. I enjoy life. I embrace it with all its weirdness, wackiness and wildness with gusto! While I deplore criminality, I absolutely revel in the kind of innocent frivolity provided by the Red Hats!

We can play dress-up again. We can play pretend again. Remember little tea sets and serving tea to your dolls? (Or your sister doing said-same?) We can do all those fun, silly things that we couldn't do when we were o-so-seriously working on raising families and/or developing careers. Who had time to go to a Tea House and loll over scones and crumpets for a couple of hours back then??
Someone asked me if any of the Church Fathers were frivolous. I doubt it. And I refuse to speculate as to whether they ever told jokes or laughed over the vagaries of puppies and kittens. If they did, it was not passed down to us.

I only know that at this stage in my life, I seem to be having some fun with Innocent Frivolity.

RA and the True Faith

Mon, 27 Nov 2006 10:45:30 GMT

-- Do you wish to be free of afflictions and not to be burdened by them? Expect greater ones, and you will find peace. Remember Job and other saints, and the afflictions they suffered. Acquire their patience, and comfort will come to your spirit. Be of good courage, stand firm and pray.
~~ Saints Barsanuphius and John ~~

I learn of stuggle and what it really means as I work to resist the depredations of RA. I work out in a warm pool 4-5 days a week. I do special exercises at home. I sleep with a "resting splint" on my right hand, and probably will add one for my left hand in the next week or two. And I take very powerful drugs that make me feel sick, upset and tired. All this to struggle against the debilitating and crippling effects of this disease.

I learn the true meaning of prayer as I struggle. I learn what it means to "pray without ceasing," for I can accomplish nothing without prayer. I can accomplish nothing without the Grace of God.

Pain? yes. But not as much as I feared - at least, not yet. Stiffness? yes. Again, not as much as I feared. Weakness? yes. And, again, not as much as I feared. It is early in the disease. God willing, the drugs will prevent the disease from progressing, or from progressing as fast or as severely as it did in my mother and my sister-in-law.

Today, after working out the overnight stiffness and pain, the swelling has gone down and there is little pain. Blessed be God that He has shown the medical professionals ways to treat this disease! I must do my part, too, however, and do the exercises, take the medications, continue moving all my joints frequently so they don't "freeze." This is not a disease one can be "passive" about. I have to be on guard against it - constantly.

A Prayer of St Peter of Damaskos
"How to Acquire True Faith"
From: The Philokalia

"I became as a beast before Thee; yet I am continually with Thee" (Psalms 73:22 - 23).

If Thy desire is that I should be at rest in Thy knowledge, I shall not refuse.

If it is that I should experience temptation so as to learn humility, again I am with Thee.

Of myself, there is absolutely nothing I can do. For without Thee I would not have come into existence from non- existence; without Thee I cannot live or be saved.

Do what Thou wilt to Thy creature; for I believe that, being good, Thou bestowest blessings on me, even if I do not recognize that they are for my benefit. Nor am I worthy to know, nor do I claim to understand, so as to be at rest: this might not be to my profit.

I do not dare to ask for relief in any of my battles, even if I am weak and utterly exhausted: for I do not know what is good for me. "Thou knowest all things" (John 21:17); act according to Thy knowledge.

Only do not let me go astray, whatever happens; whether I want it or not, save me, though, again, only if it accords with Thy will.

I, then, have nothing: before Thee I am as one that is dead; I commit my soul into Thy pure hands, in this age and in the age to be. Thou art able to do all things; Thou knowest all things; Thou desirest every kind of goodness for all men and ever longest for my salvation.

This is clear from the many blessings that in Thy grace Thou hast bestowed and always bestowest on us, visible and invisible, known to us and unknown; and from that gift of Thyself to us, O Son and Logos of God, which is beyond our understanding.

Yet who am I that I should dare to speak to Thee of these things, Thou searcher of hearts?

I speak of them in order to make known to myself and to my enemies that I take refuge in Thee, the harbor of my salvation. For I know by Thy grace that "Thou art my God" (Psalms 31:14).

I do not dare to say many things, but only wish to set before Thee an intellect that is inactive, deaf and dumb.

It is not myself but Thy grace that accomplishes all things. For, knowing that I am always full of evil, I do not attribute such things to my own goodness; and because of this I fall down as a servant before Thee, for Thou hast found me worthy of repentance, and "I am Thy servant, and the son of Thy handmaid" (Psalms 116:16).

But do not allow me, my Lord Jesus Christ, my God, to do, say or think anything contrary to Thy will: the sins I have already committed are enough. But in whatever way Thou desirest have mercy on me.

I have sinned: have mercy on me as Thou knowest. I believe, Lord, that Thou hearest this my pitiable cry, "Help Thou my unbelief", (Mark 9:24) Thou who has granted me, not only to be, but also to be a Christian.

"It is a great thing," St. John of Karpathos has said, "for me to be called a monk and a Christian." As Thou has said, Lord, to one of Thy servants, "It is no light thing for you to be called by My name" (Isaiah 49:6).

This is more to me than all the kingdoms of heaven or of earth. Let me always be called by Thy most sweet name. O Master, full of compassion, I give thanks to Thee.

St. Peter of Damaskos, "How to Acquire True Faith", from G. E. H. Palmer, Philip Sherrard, and Bishop Kallistos Ware, The Philokalia: Vol. III, (London: Faber and Faber, 1984), pp. 164 - 167

RA and Me

Tue, 19 Sep 2006 22:06:19 GMT

This blog may turn into a journal of my journey through Rheumatoid Arthritis.

I haven't posted since June because I've been feeling much worse than usual. I thought it was a massive flare-up of my fibromyalgia, but yesterday I got the diagnosis - Rheumatoid Arthritis. New medications, drop off a couple of old ones, new exercise routine, drop off old one, new schedule, change the old one. Rest more, eat less, keep active.

Knuckles of hands are swollen and red, while the balls of my feet feel like there are tiny pebbles residing there just for me to walk on. My right knee is "blown up," and I have special exercises for that. Physical therapist and rheumatologist have both given me my marching orders - exercise in a therapeutically warm swimming pool at least 2 times a week (preferably 3-4 times a week). I'll have to find one of those around here.

This is not exactly my idea of "a good time," but I'm working on trusting in God.

So, your prayers for me and my husband are encouraged! He has quite an ordeal to go through, too.

TurtleMom's Space: Personal

Innocent Frivolity

RA and the True Faith

RA and Me